4 Funerals and a Wedding

Reminiscing. 2005 was very eventful and meaningful for me and my family. I actually associate it with the movie 4 Weddings and the Funeral. Only, for us it was 4 Funerals and a Wedding.

Nanang, Tito Boy, Lola Abet and Papa crossed the border, all of them leaving from May to October 2005. All, except for Papa, succumbed to the illness that crept slowly and ate their bodies. Their absence leaves those left behind an emptiness and longing, but not really wishing to be united. At least, not yet.

It has nearly been 6 years and I have to confess that despite my claim that I have learned to let go, I am still clinging to the memory of my dad. He has been a figure I looked up to: as a parent, brother, husband, team lead and friend. He is industrious, street smart, generous, and charmingly humorous. With a crowd, he likes to make side remarks to make serious things lighter for the palate. He is our way out of NCR's streets and highways. With him, we never get lost. How-to-get-there and how-to-get-out-of-there directions were just a text away.

During a training last year, an old woman once consoled me, "Hija, you can't look at your husband the way you look up to your dad. They are different and will always be." This training turned me inside out! It made me look at my fears and ask myself, what's keeping me from letting go?

As you can see, my first year of marriage was filled with family reunions because of departures of your loved ones. I was rather thrown from one emotional high to another. During my father's burial, relatives and family friends were trying to perk me up to prevent me from having pre-mature labor pains. Dad passed away when I was 7 months pregnant.

And since I felt that I have let go or maybe I was just faking it! Oh dearie, I hope not because I may be suffering more than I expect. I was thrown in a tub of mixed emotions!

Good thing I have 2 things in 2005 that I continue to look forward to and they keep me going despite my glum sentiments of loss. I was civilly married earlier that year and gave birth to my precious. To this day, with only a few years in marriage, my husband and I strive to keep our commitment to try to work things out in peaceful and mutually beneficial ways.

Posted in: Death, Depression, Marriage, Occasions